Medjugorje

I have never thought to be back but I feel I have a mission here. To do right what I have done wrong. I am back from the ashes, so to speak, after being burned by the Power of Love. My heart is full of gratitude. I feel humble and undeserving.

Perhaps you thought I came back to my old ways, but after more than a year I can say that I am not. I went through a process of inner conversion in which I reject my old life and I embrace my new life as a true Christian.

I was one, but a lukewarm one. I said I believed in God, but almost didn't pray to Him.

I said I did not have to go to church, because I have my own version of God, which lets me do anything I want.

But then I was touched by an Invisible Hand and started crying like a baby one night and said, "Oh my dear Lord, I need, I want to come back to you, because, although I say to everybody and myself I am happy, I am actually not."

In the back of my mind I knew what I was doing was not right.

All it took was for my mother to ask me, "Do you want to go to mass, at least this once?"

And I said, "OK, because it is Christmastime."

The church was a really nice one, with an atmosphere to it. I sensed a higher spirituality that I could not find in other churches. It was a Franciscan church. I could see Baby Jesus in front of the altar in the manger. I saw St. Anthony, St. Francis and St. Clare of Assisi. That reminded me of the time I saw Zefirelli's rendition of St. Francis and St. Clare and how beautiful I found that story.

The Franciscan Friar, who would become my spiritual guide (little did I know then!), talked about that it was St. Francis who created the very first Nativity Scene. He wanted so much to see and feel how humble Our Dear Lord had been to want to be so poor, rejecting all the riches of this world.

I was not moved by these words. Not then.

It came the time of collection but nobody came to collect. I had a few Euros in my hand and I did not know what to do with them. Then I saw St. Anthony and a box that said, "Bread for the Poor" and then at the end of the mass, I put those coins in the box, and left.

I thought I was not going to come back to that church again. Ever.

And boy, was I wrong.

It is true. My heart is now full of love and hope. Sometimes I cry, but it is not because I sad about my life. No. I cry because I know that others are. My Dear Lord Jesus is sad and hurt. By my sins. By the sins of others. Today I pray the Rosary (almost) every day, and fast almost every Wednesday and every Friday. I went to Medjugorje and I saw with my own eyes an apparition. I was a few meters from Mirjana. And I saw her eyes flicker and her face change when the apparition started. I didn't see Gospa (the Virgin Mary in Croat). All what my sister told me was true. All the books that talked about Medjugorje were true. I saw it with own eyes.

I know now that my conversion has three pilars: Medjugorje, the Franciscans and the Divine Mercy. What's Medjugorje? It is a place in Southern Bosnia, where the Virgin Mary has appeared to a few children, very much like in Fatima, Portugal. Her messages are simples and direct. Please pray, pray, pray as much as you can. Fast every Wednesday and Friday. Convert your hearts to my Son Jesus. And "If you knew how much I loved you, you would cry". It is this simple message of love that made me convert.

Medjugorje is not for Catholics only. It is not for Christians only. It is for the whole Humankind.

Recently I have rewatched the movie about St. Francis and St. Clare of Assisi and again I cried and cried, like I did when I was a teenager. The founders of the three major Franciscan orders gave the best example how the Gospels should be lived. It was touching to see and now read how much St. Francis loved the Creation and everything in it because he loved Our Dear Lord so much. He chose to be poor like his hero, Jesus, although he was the son of a rich merchant. Clare was a noblewoman who chose to be poor too and follow St. Francis steps.

I was moved by their detachment.

And the funny thing was...

I confessed my sins to a Franciscan friar the day after my conversion, and he gave me a Rosary, and guess what...

The Rosary had the inscription in the back of the cross that said... Medjugorje.

I am in love with my Dear Lord Jesus.

I cry almost every day, not because I am depressed or sad, no... I cry because I moved by HIs Love and Mercy.

I cried when Jesus cried before ressurecting Lazarus... (John 11, 1-44).

I cry when I read about how merciful Jesus is in the Diary of St. Faustina Kowalska.